Wisdom from the Boy The boy his wise, so is his little brother.

Warning: The boy and his brother are bilingual, speaking German and English. Quite a bit of their speech is a comprised of the two languages mixed together.

Good Driver

July 19, 2015.

The boy's little brother and I were on an S-Bahn (city train) approaching the Stuttgart Hauptbahnhof. An ICE (very fast train) came up along side of us and sped by us. The boy's little brother exclaimed "AN ICE!!!" at the top of his lungs in utter excitement. "That's a fast one!" he added as the white ICE wagons streamed by his window.

However, the ICE began to slow, and the S-Bahn we were on started to overtake the Intercity Express.

The boy pointed to the front of the S-Bahn, and looking with a very impressed look on his face said very seriously "He's a good driver!


June 26, 2015.

The whole family was on vacation and we stopped for ice cream in the touristy town of Fuessen where there was a very large selection of international visitors. While we were sitting a very loud American boy walked by blabbering on an on about what toy his mother was supposed to get for him. The boy was fascinated to hear somebody besides me speaking in that tongue, and asked me "Is that boy speaking English?"

"Yes, he is." I replied.

"Is my English better than his?" asked the boy.

"No. I don't think so." I said.

"Really?" said the boy very inquisitively.

"By the sound of him, his English is better than yours. But I don't think he can speak German at all. You can speak perfect German.

I told the boy to make him feel better at his language skills.

"But you can speak English and German" the boy told me.

"Yeah, but I my German is pretty shitty." I said.

"And I can speak shitty English" the boy stated.

We're a Team

June 11, 2015.

The two boys and I were out riding bikes and stopped to take a break. "I need to piss" I stated bluntly. I walked over to a bush and begain to urinate. The boy said "me too" and stood beside me to relieve himself. "Me too!" stated the boy's little brother and lined up between the boy and I.

"We're all pissing!" I proclaimed, proud that urine was going into the bushes instead of into the pants.

The boy's little brother looked left, and right to test the validity of my statement and then cried out "We're a piss team!"

Is it cute?

June 1, 2015.

I had just finished taking a shower, and stepped out into the bathroom to dry myself off. As I was towling the water off of me the boy came in.

"Why is your wiener so hairy?" the boy asked.

"When you get older your wiener gets hairer" I responded.

"Why is it so big?" the boy asked a bit more inquisitively.

"When you get older your wiener gets bigger" I responded.

"Is my wiener cute?" the boy asked even more inquisitively.


February 25, 2015.

The boy's little brother was examining a raised mole that is on the underside of her arm. He asked his mother what is was, to which she couldn't remember the word. The boy's little brother said "vielleicht Boobyschnautze?"

Old Car

October 26, 2014.

The boy and I were out riding our bikes when we spotted a very old, classic Mercedes, parked by the side of a busy road. "Look at that old car!" I shouted excitedly. "I wonder if it's broken down over there?" As the boy looked, the car pulled out into the roadway. "Nope, there it goes." I said. The car drove past us. A very old man was behind the steering wheel. "and it's driven by an old man too" I said.

"I bet he breaks down before the car does." said the boy.

Lego Containers

October 19, 2014.

The boy's little brother built something out of Legos and came over to explain to me what it is. "This is the container for water on top" he said pointing to a box he had built, "and this one is for Kleider" he explained poiting at another box stuck underneath of the water container. "That way when you in the Kleider pissle, you can stick them in the water."

Little Bitch

October, 7, 2014.

I was demonstrating to die Frau how she was lucky I wasn't a picky eater by whining in a high pitched voice about what was wrong with the current meal she had prepared: "The green beans aren't cut right, there are little black specks in the Hirse, this isn't how my mother makes this..."

The boy listened to me intently, then turned to his mother and said "Baba ist eine kleine Bitch!"

Do You Speak English?

September 20, 2014.

The boy was at his cousins for a big party, at which there were several other kids. I asked the boy something in English to which he responded. Another kid asked him in German "Kannst du Englisch sprechen?" The boy answered affirmatively. The other kid said "Ich kann auch Englisch sprechen." to which the boy tested him with the English phrase "Hi Dood!"

I'm Stiff

September 19, 2014.

My muscles felt tight and bent over in an attempt to stretch out a bit and touch my toes. I complained out loud "Man, I'm stiff! I can't even touch my toes." The boy's little brother came over, knelt down touched my toes and stated "I'm not stiff."


September 1, 2014.

The boy has a stone that was given to him to help him transition into Kindergarten, a Mamastein. Whenever he touches the sone, his mother thinks of him. His little brother is entering Kindergarten, and was given a Mamastein as well. As a demonstration to his little brother of the power of the Mamastein, I asked him "What happens when you touch the Mamastein?"

"Fire comes out." said the boy.

See that Airplane?

August 30 2014.

The boy's little brother and I were outside. He was looking up in the sky and saw a jetliner flying high overhead. "See that airplaine?" he said to me. I gazed upwards and replied "yes." "I'm gonna jump up and get it." he responded. "Then I'm gonna break it!"

You're a Good Helper

August 25 2014.

The boy's little brother was working on a coloring book. He asked me to fill in a couple of shapes with a yellow crayon. I did as I was asked. Upon the completion of my task, the boy's little brother came around the table, patted me on the head and said "You're a good helper!"

Stepped on a Frog

August 17 2014.

I was hiking with the the boy's little brother and I let a fart rip out loud. In a pathetic attempt to cover my tracks, I said "Woah, did somebody step on a frog?"

The boy's little brother said enthusiasticly, "Yeah! And it farted!"

Let's Play Dinosaurs

August 16 2014.

The boys little brother brought two stuffed dinosaurs up to me, he handed me a Triceratops and said "you be this one" and I'll be this one, referring to a Stegosaurus. He made the mouth on the Stegosaurus move as he spoke in a high pitched voice "want to play?" My dinosaur replied back in a high pitched voice as well "yes", it said. "Let's play kitties" said the Stegosaurus. The boy's little brother proceeded to make the Stegosaurus meow and purr.

New Pants

I was sitting on the sofa with the boy's little brother reading him a book. I had to fart really bad, so since the boy's mother wasn't around I just let one rip out loud. The boy's little brother looked a me and said "You need frische Hose!"

I'm Clean

The boy and his little brother were helping harvest Zwetschge with their Opa. The boy was told that he could go with Opa and drop them off at the fruit handler. Unfortuately, the boy laid down in some mud and was completely filthy. Opa told him that he couldn't take a kid that dirty. The boy's little brother looked down at his pants, said "I'm clean. I can go." and went off with his Opa.

Say something in Dutch

We were vacationing in Holland. I asked the boy's little brother if he was learning Dutch. He shook his head yes. "Say something in Dutch." I told him. "Ich brauch Nase putze." he replied.

Here's my....

May 4, 2014.

We had just finished an afternoon hike, and looked for a place to eat and happened upon a nice Greek restaurant. The restaurant was almost empty save for a young couple sitting at the table next to us. The waitress brought out some paper and colored pencils for the boy and his little brother to draw on. The boy wanted a picture of himself, so I drew him his head, torso, arms, hands. I started to copy the lettering that was on his shirt onto his visage on paper, but the boy grabbed the pencil and demanded that he write his own name. So I handed the pencil and the half-finished image to the boy. He wrote in his name and showed it to me proudly.

I said "very nice, but where's your legs?". The boy looked at it and drew a hump under his shirt, with two lines sticking out. "What is that I asked him?"

The boy started to narrate as his finished the drawing -- "there's my butt" he said pointing to the hump under his torso. He drew a third leg and stated "there's my wiener", he sketched another line and stated "that's my butt crack", and proclaimed "that's my shit!" as he drew in a group of squiggly lines.

What is that for Fleisch?

April 26, 2014.

I was with the boy and his little brother at the meat counter in the market. The boy's little brother pointed to some cuts of meat and asked me "Is that from a dinosaur?"

Definition: Gestimber

December 31, 2013.

The boy's little brother told me I was a "gestimber." I asked him what that was and he explained "it's a baum that eats a bug."

Sharp Teeth

December 21, 2013.

As the boy was riding in the back seat of the car he stated "My teeth are so sharp I could bite a house!"

No Snack!

December 21, 2013.

The boy's little brother was angry with his mama and proclaimed "Wenn ich mal einen Baurnhof habe kriegst du KEIN Boobiesnack!"

The boy said in response "Gell, das is gut, dass du die Boobies leer trinkst, sonst wuerden die noch grosser und wuerden ausgelaufen und platzen."

Jesus Christ

November 3, 2013.

The boys little brother was screaming and throwing a fit. The boy stated "Jesus Christ!", then explained that he can said "Jesus Christ" to his brother because he "criest!"


November 1, 2013.

The boy's little brother laid down lazily on the sofa and proclaimed "Ich bin Windhund!"

Good English

October 7, 2013.

The boy looked at me and said "I can really good English sprechen!"


September 21, 2013.

The boy was talking about the continent at the very southern part of the Earth but saying "Antarteek-ka".

After repeating this several times, he asked "Did I say that cute?"

Smells Like Penguins

September 12, 2013.

A while back the boy was at the Zoo. We went by the penguins and he commented that they smelled bad. I told him they reeked of rotten fish.

The boy was eating some fish sticks a few months later. He told his mother that he didn't want to eat one because it "smelled like penguins."


September 2, 2013.

The boy's little brother was looking through a kids book when he got very excited and shouted "LOOK!"

He ran over to me with the book pointing at a picture and exclaimed "baby!" Sure enough it was a picture of a baby.

"Haue!" he said as he smacked the picture of the infant with his hand.


September 2, 2013.

The boy repeatedly has said that he wants to be a Landwirt when he grows up, despite me asking him if he wants to be something else. I asked him today if he wants to be a policeman and he replied "I'm going to be a Landwirt, just like every other time I tell you."

What do you want to do today?

August 29, 2013.

I asked the boy if he wanted to go hiking today. He said "no." "Well then what do you want to do?" I asked him. "Just sneak around." he replied.

Dude Stuff

August 21, 2013.

The boys mother left for a few minutes leaving me alone with the boy and his brother.

"Now we can do dude stuff." the boy said.

"Like what?" I responded.

"Like dancing around."

Eternal Gratitude

August 21, 2014.

We had been rewarding the boy with candy to encourage him to defecate in the toilet. But now that he was accustomed to making his business on the porcelain throne we were weaning him off of the treats for poop program. Today he made an extraordinary pile of feces in the toilet and asked for a reward.

I told him he would have my eternal gratitude.

"Can I eat that?" he inquired.

Awesome Tractor

July 22, 2013.

The boy, his brother and I were watching tractor videos on Youtube. One drove out with tracks and I proclaimed "That is a bad ass tractor!" A few scenes later another one drove out and the boy pointed and said "That's a good ass tractor!"

Hair Like...

June 30, 2013.

The boy's mother had a few friends over one afternoon. One of these was a balding man with a hat to cover his head, and another man had thick dreadlocks. The boy sat on the balding man's lap and pulled his hat off. "You have hair like my Opa!" said the boy repeatedly. Then he pointed at the man sporting dreadlocks and stated "That man has hair like me!"

Poor Little Bugger

June 14, 2013.

The boy, his little brother took our bikes to the library. On the return trip the little brother didn't want to put his helmet on. To encourage him to come, I pretended that we were leaving and he could stay behind waving at him and saying "bye bye!" The boy was very upset that his brother wasn't coming, so he told me "I want to keep my poor little bugger."

Throwing a Fit

June 6, 2013.

The boy's little brother was swinging his arm in a overhand thowing motion and repeating "Throw a fit, throw a fit, throw a fit!"


May 20, 2013.

The boy was attenting his parents' wedding dinner. The room was quiet and the boy asked loudly "Warum bin ich immer so shlimig?"

Too Much Beer

May 11, 2013.

I was trying to hook up the boys bike to a trailer attachment and having a bit of trouble, the boy explained that "du hast zu viel Bier getrunken!"

Quatsch Machen

May 5, 2013.

The boy turned to his brother while playing in the sandbox and said "Wir sind zwei Buben, und zwei Buben konnen richitig arg Quatsch machen."

I'm a Tiger

March 23, 2013.

The boy was eating an apple. "I'm a tiger" he said. "I hate to break it to you, but Tigers don't eat apples" I replied. "I'm an apple Tiger" the boy stated. "ROOAARRRR!"

Winnie the Pooh

March 10, 2013.

"Winnie the Pooooh" the boy looked at me and said with big round eyes. "He eats pooo." he added on, and them mumbled "He eat's shit." as he wandered away.

Strange Diet

December 28, 2012.

A few weeks earlier I was explaining to the boy how the the things they serve at fast food restaraunts are really shitty. He asked me who would eat there, to which I replied teenie-boppers. Jump forward to today when the boy took a nasty dump in his pants. I put him in the shower to hose him down. As he was being rinsed off large chunks of fecal material swirled around on their way down the drain. "Watch out for the poop!" I exclaimed. "What is that?" the boy said pointing at one of the swirling fecal chunks. "That’s shit!" I shouted. "And teenie boppers eat that?" asked the boy inquisitevely in reply.

Sugar Shock

December 22, 2012.

The boy ate a lot of candy and cookies causing his mother to warn him of a sugar overdose. A few minutes later he met his great uncle. He refused to say hello and acted shy. "Aren't you going to say hello?" I asked. "Ich kann nicht schwetzen." he said. "Ich habe sugar shock."

Advents Kalendar

December 17, 2012.

The boy behaved well enough to earn his Advents Calender treat for the night — two cookies. I asked him if I could have some. He shook his head no. I asked him why not, to which he replied "Du war nicht eine gute Baba."

"What did I do?" I inquired.

"Naughty stuff." the boy replied. I needed more details and asked him to provide them. "Du hast mein bruder mit dem Shovel geschagt!" said the boy bluntly.

Ich will eine wiedige Mama

November 26, 2012.

The boy said "Ich will eine wiedige Mama!"

"Warum?" replied his mother.

"Eine widige mamma macht Spass!"

What I did

November 26, 2012.

Every day when the boy gets back from Kindergarten I ask him what he did. Every day he says that he doesn't know.

Today when he got back, before I even said a word, he told me "I don't know what I did today."

Careful, My Brother Bites

November 2, 2012.

The boy was out at a restaurant with his little brother. Another three year old approached, with his own one year old brother. "Vorsicht!" the boy said pointing at his brother. "Er bisst!"


October 22, 2012.

The boy had a pencil and paper. He scribbled away and said "Ich schrieb dir ein email."


September 1, 2012.

Regularly the boy cordons off a small area for himself and proclaims that he is in the kitchen and is cooking something. When he is done, he's made a fresh batch of diaper fudge.

Strange Anatomy

September 1, 2012.

The boy sat on the toilet and proclaimed "Peepee komt raus mein BoBo!" (Pee-Pee comes out of my butt!)

Baby im Bauch

August 20, 2012.

The boy patted his big fat tummy and claimed there was a baby inside. Later he stated that the baby was no longer there as it fell on the floor and "macht OWA!"

Too Soon

August 16, 2012.

The boy's mother asked him "Do you need to poo-poo?"

"NEIN!" screamed the boy using a giant fart as an exclaimation point.


August 16, 2012.

The boy's younger brither climbed to the top of a sand pile. The boy chased him off and proclaimed "Diese Berg gehört zu Hansi."


August 3, 2012.

The boy was riding his bike. He rode up to me and asked me if I’d like some money. I replied of course. "Mit sahne?" he stated digging into his pocket.


July 31, 2012.

To his brother "I throw you in die Abfall." *Repeat 5 times*

Schone Auge

July 31, 2012.

The boy said "Kilian hat schone Auge. Fuer gucken an die Leute, und die Abfall."

Bumper Cars

July 22, 2012.

The boy rode in the bumper cars for the first time. He later described it as "Dann da gibt's scheller, dann KKGGHKKGHH! Dann da gibt's schneller, dann KKKGHHH! Dann da gibt's schneller, dann OWWA!"

New Diapers

July 19, 2012.

I farted out loud. The boy said "Du brauchst frische Windel."


July 17, 2012.

I was reading a book to the boy. There was a picture of a doctor wearing a surgical mask. The boy pointed to him and stated "there is a wierdo."

Monkey Excrement

June 15, 2012.

I was sitting on the floor when the boy walked up to me. He stuck his butt out over my knee and grunted a few times. He turned around and pointed to the "monkey poo."

Better without a Title

June 14, 2012.

The boy sits at the table, lifts his butt and says: "I take a shit, Arghhhhhhhhhh. Fucke up! Damm it!" Mama: "des sagt ma nid". Boy: Baba sagt: "damm it"

Känguru mit Hubschrauber gekauft

June 12, 2012.

Mama: "Was hört man denn da" Boy: "Hubschrauber! Ich bin schon mit Hubschrauber geflogen". Mama: "Wo bis Du denn hingeflogen?" Boy: "Nach Urbach!" Mama: "Und was hast Du in Urbach gemacht?" Boy: "Känguru gekauft."

Alter Mensch

June 9, 2012.

The boy is out with his Opa and tells him: "Jura ist ein Hund, ich bin ein Mensch, Du bist ein alter Mensch."


June 6, 2012.

"Mama, ich will Babybrot (= Baguette)". "Wir haben kein Babybrot mehr. Willst Du ein Stück Vollkornbrot?" "Oh ja, ich will Folternbrot" (Folter = Torture)

Spanish Friend

June 5, 2012.

The boy's Spanisch friend came for a visit and danced with him and little brother. Very funny to watch since not everything was coordinated. He stopped dancing and said "mir sin weirdows." A bit later on during dinner he sat on his friends lap, touched her ear and said "dinni Ohr sin us Plaschdig."

Baba Hole

June 2, 2012.

The boy's father left for a several day business trip and had to go on plane. An hour after he left we were on the way dowtown when the boy stated "mir hole Baba vom Bahnhof."


May 31, 2012.

The boy was marching around banging his feet and singing some sort of mantra with his bib wrapped around his face intermittently interrupting the chant with "Ich bin ein Wierdo!"

Are you Alive?

May 31, 2012.

To discover if Mama is asleep or dead, he pokes her in the eye.


May 30, 2012.

The boy smacked me with a towel in the crotch as I was climbing out of the shower. He claimed he had to shoo away a butterfly that was on my weiner.

The Magic Word

May 30, 2012.

I was sitting on the sofa and had my feet propped up on the table, blocking the path of the boy. He wanted to pass, found my legs in the way and started shrieking and screaming "Ausser mein weg!" "What do you say?" I stated in a firm voice waiting for the magic word. "DAMMIT" screamed the boy.

Bahnhof DB Lounge

May 30, 2012.

The boy said to me in the DB lounge, "Du hast Poopoo in Windel so nit ein Sandwitch holen."