Sent: Sunday, November 8, 2015 8:55 AM
Subject: For the last time!!!
For the last time, per our argreement you signed as my birthday present this year, if I am not wearing my Jar Jar Mask or any Trek stuff, you are to call me Johnny and I am allowed to refer to you as Lisa! Paragraph 3 of "Birthday Present Nuptuals", which you signed and also stuck a bloody fingerprint on, states that you "will respond to the name of Lisa" and "give responses in character." I'm sick you you completely ignoring me when I address you as such.
You will also refer to my best friend Steve as Mark, and again, must I cite the birthday document, per paragraph 6, "Lisa will seduce Mark for inexplicable reasons behind Johnny's back." Plus, as soon as I find some delinquet loser kid to adopt, he will be named Denny.
Don't make me get the lawyers involved again. I've also hidden the orignal signed and notorized document in a safe location (which by the way is not in the house, so don't bother tearing it up again to look for it) which is completely inaccessable to you. There is no going back on your promise without a fight.
Now please pardon me and my rage for a few hours. I'm going out in the street dressed in a Tuxedo to toss a football around. I'm warning you, be in character when I get back or there will be legal action!